HOT FLASHES

So since the surgery there are a few noticeable changes in my eating habits/results. A few things that have changed are the types of foods I can and can not eat. Granted it’s for the better but damn, I sure do miss the foods I used to eat. Another thing that is weird is that you tend to get grossed out by what you used to be able to eat. I constantly say to myself “How the hell did I eat crap like that”. Sometimes I miss it dearly but then I remembered how much of a lard ass I used to be.

I remember when my brother used to come home from work late at night and he stopped at McDonalds and got a 6 double cheeseburgers from the Dollar Menu. I would usually eat 2 if not 3 of them. Now I can’t even put ground beef into my mouth without the need to throw up. I haven’t been able to really eat meat since my surgery on Feb. 6th. I can’t eat chicken without tasting the iron or the blood of the chicken, and its cooked all the way through. I can’t eat pork without throwing up, except I can eat bacon. I can eat beef if it is cut thinly, but not ground beef. I can’t eat fried foods without getting sick…except for bacon. OK its not like deep fried but it is fried because it’s in it’s own fat. I can’t eat bread unless it is toasted hard so it can break down into a powder type substance. I can’t eat rice because it’s basically like thick Elmer’s glue. I can’t eat pasta too much because it’s pretty much like rice and bread. All that I can eat is fruits and veggies. Which is good because that’s what nutritionist tell you to eat. I do drink soy milk and regular milk and eat nuts for protein. But when I can I occasionally eat meat, but I no longer want it. It’s weird because my diet from the 3 month mark was beef jerky and pickles. Only thing I craved and can stomach. Also, I’m no longer lactose intolerant. Strange things this surgery does.

It’s not so much frustrating that I can’t eat the food I used to anymore, it’s the fact that my family, whom have seen me struggle for most of my life with my weight, still eat the same. They all have weight problems. My dad is 6′4 around 250lbs my mom 5′2 220lbs, my brother is 6′1 around 160lbs (he is on dialysis due to a kidney problem but he still eats like a horse just doesn’t gain anything) and they all continue to eat crap and not even care that I can’t. This makes me so mad at times I literally cry because I’m hungry but can’t eat. The response I get from them is that…oh what does it matter you can’t eat anyway. That isn’t the point. The point is I need to eat to get my minerals and vitamins because now I am LACKING them and yet they don’t care. Even when I buy food for myself, they end up eating some of it and get mad at me when I yell at them. OK we are struggling in money and there are times when we don’t have dinner, but that doesn’t mean they can take what I put aside for myself. I mean they are the ones that need to stop eating for a bit. It won’t kill them to not eat for a day, but it can certainly do harm to me.

Another thing that is frustrating, and people who have or will go through this procedure can agree to and will find out, is when you are in the grocery store, it can be a battle. What used to be a quick task is now an on going mission. You can go in to the grocery store all thinking what you may want to eat that night…go walk around, see your food items, put them in your cart, walk away, then all of the sudden………you stop. Wait do I want that? Do I really want to eat that tonight? “I don’t know.” Then you walk back, put it back, look for something else, decide no on that, walk back to the original food you wanted, put your hand on it…take your hand back..DAMN IT!!! You are so frustrated at that point you start to walk the WHOLE MARKET 2 or three times and still not know what you want. At this point, your eyes start to well up with tears of frustration and your face starts to turn red because you want to just hit something because again, you still aren’t sure what you can eat and what you want to eat. There were a few times I got into shouting matches with my mom, because she wanted me to just choose something, and I can’t because I’m not sure if I will get sick if I eat it.

When I finally find something to eat there is a whole new battle. Hot flashes. Yes I get them. No it’s not menopause. I’m 30, not 45. I believe it is a end result of the surgery. Anytime I eat anything that has high sugar content I tend to have hot flashes and my heart just beats so fast I feel like it will jump out of my chest. Now I haven’t gotten a doctor to confirm it, but I think its just a side effect of the surgery, like no longer being able to eat meat. (Some people have become vegetarians because of the surgery…I’m very close to it.) The hot flashes usually last for about 20-25 minutes. so I’m a complete moron during them trying to find any form of cooling myself down. Going as far as sticking my head in the freezer.

So all I really want to say is that you must be prepared for everything that may result in this surgery. But also, you do need support from friends and family. I’m not saying they all have to change their eating habits, it’s just that they need to understand yours because food truly is a life force. It is no longer your friend in need. Your friend that comforts you in times of stress. It is kinda like an enemy now…for me anyway. It taunts me because I still battle with what I can and cannot eat.